Monday, September 29, 2014

My Drug of Choice

I've discovered something about myself. It's my go-to when I feel fearful; when I feel things are out-of-control or uncertain.

My drug of choice is busy. I'm sitting here, with my husband. We're reading, talking and doing what Sundays are all about. We're relaxing, resting, connecting. The kids are playing. The next thing I know, I'm feeling anxious. I need to do something. I need to accomplish something (as if I'm not accomplishing anything by reading and spending time with my family). I feel I'm doing something frivolous.

At our church, Legacy Life Community, we've been talking stepping into the new way God is leading. When God opens a door, we can do what we know to do, but ultimately, REST confidently that God is leading and guiding and has everything under control. God's love, for us, is not based on works, but on His love for us.

I find it difficult to rest. If I'm busy, I feel in control. I feel occupied and it feeds my addiction to feeling capable. When things are out of my control, I run to do that thing that I do have control over; whether it's cleaning house or taking on a new decorating project. If I'm busy, I'm more at peace (or maybe it's just that my mind is occupied).

My primary love language is acts of service. My family will tell you, my love bank is full when something has been done, for me. When someone decides to wash the dishes, I'm all smiles:)

When I'm doing something, productive (by my definition) I'm feeling affection for God, or be it those around me. Don't get me wrong, there is joy in serving and showing affection for those we love (it's easier to show it for those we love than maybe those we don't feel love for...this is a whole other post).

When busy takes me away from trust in God, and my energy wains, then I'm no longer affective or able to do the things I was designed to do and I lose my ability to rest.  Busy becomes an idol and a hindrance.

I guess what I'm saying is that some people choose food, others shop. I get busy. In this season, I'm purposing to put down busy and l'm learning to clothe myself in rest.

If you can relate to what I'm saying, no matter what it is, I'm interested in what your go to "drug" of choice is. Leave a comment. I'm curious!


  1. I am reading "the best yes" by Lysa Turkuest...along the same theme...about keeping track of our yes and no to others and ourselves...scheduling time for the things we "don't have time" for that we know we are called to do...making our time quality instead of just good!

    1. I have had my eye on getting that book, myself! I just read a blurp on it. Looks great! God is in the process of "unravelling" me, these days...a good thing, but somewhat intense. Love you!